When studying Italian in college in Seattle, I was learning the gerund conjugation (verbs ending with -ing). To conjugate to the gerund, you change a verb to end in "-avano."

"Mi chiamo," from the verb "chiamare" means "my name is" or literally "I call myself," so when introducing yourself you say "Mi chiamo ." When meeting a group of Italian dignitaries visiting the school from Italy, I thought I would throw my new conjugation form into my greeting. I said "Mi chiavano Denise." The look on their faces was akin to a cartoon's eyes bugging out. My professor turned beet red and escorted them out.

I asked later what the problem was. He explained the proper conjugation was "Mi chiamavano Denise," NOT "mi chiavano." I missed 2 crucial letters. How crucial? The verb I conjugated- chaire, NOT chiamare- means the f-word in Italian. I literally said to a bunch of strangers, "I f**k myself." Seriously.

Posted By Denise on April 5, 2011, 6:59 PM

OMG, Denise - that's hysterical! Almost makes me afraid to learn Italian, something I've wanted to do for a while. Almost, but not quite. Too funny!

Posted By Wynne on April 6, 2011, 11:39 AM

LOL Funny :-) I lived in Indonesia for 10+ years and eventually learned the language quite well. However, before I did, I said some really stupid things.

Indonesian is a pretty simple language, but I found myself doing things like ordering '@ss soup' rather than 'oxtail soup' for friends of mine who were visiting who didn't speak the language at all. Oxtail soup is 'sop buntut'. @ss soup is 'sop pantat', and NOT a menu item in any restaurant there. The second is the one I ordered LOL For the record: BUNTUT means tail. PANTAT means @ss. I heard the entire kitchen staff laughing at me in the back of the restaurant while my Indonesian friend explained to me why haha :-)

Then again, I did see signs hung out front of street food stalls run by old women saying 'Bakmie Ibu Memek'. Apparently, some Indonesian have a sense of humor, even the elderly :-)

Google translate it LOL

Posted By Sandra on April 7, 2011, 12:48 AM

I was in Austria, could not speak the language and was very hungry. I went into a restaurant but could not read the menu, so I was just going to point out what someone else was eating. The only other people who were there had finished every crumb on their plate, and was in the process of leaving. So, I showed the waiter what I wanted on the menu by closing my eyes and pointed to something on the menu, and one other item. The waiter brought me an omelette with jelly in it (yuck) and black bread with a picture of a goat on the cheese cube. Did I eat them? I took out the jelly in the omelette and put that on my black bread, and ate the omelette seperately. I was still very hungry but I didn't dare order any other thing on that menu, lol.

Posted By Linda on April 7, 2011, 12:33 PM

After having taken a 6-week cram course in Spanish so I could refresh the language I learned in High School, I figured I could handle my week-long trip to Cozumel with no problem. Indeed, I bantered with shopkeepers, was able to get my diving companion to understand me well enough to hold a rudimentary conversation, and I could order in any restaurant with ease. Then I saw a Mexican family in the square and I just had to get their picture. In America, it's common to tell your subjects "say cheese," so I called out "Hablan queso!" which only made the family look at each other in puzzlement... Again "Hablan queso!" And I got nothing but frowns until a passerby gleefully told me I was saying "talk about cheese" instead of "say cheese" --- which isn't even an idiom in Mexico anyway! :-)

Posted By Lynne on April 7, 2011, 1:41 PM

Having taken beginning German classes in college, while visiting friends in Germany years ago, I jokingly thought I'd speak a well-known German question: "Wie heissen Sie?" or "What's your name?" But I said "Wie scheissen Sie", which loosely translated means "How's your sh*t?" Good thing they were all friends!

Posted By Mike on April 7, 2011, 1:58 PM

I was hanging out with a French friend, who needed to borrow some tweezers. I asked her what she needed them for. "To pluck your eyebrows?" I asked in French. She started laughing, and said, "No, they'd wiggle around too much." "OK," I said, "what did I just say?" She told me that I had used the word mouse (souris) instead of eyebrows (sourcis).
Later that week, I did it again and identified the green beans on her plate as "green worms" (asticots verts) instead of green beans (haricots verts). Trust me, my French has gotten much better over the years!

Posted By Lynne on April 7, 2011, 2:39 PM

One of my students in Italian went to Italy after studying for a while. When she got back I asked her how her trip. She said, "I loved it, but I did find out that nobody there speaks Intermediate Italian."

Posted By Joe on April 7, 2011, 2:52 PM

When commenting on how hot the weather was during my trip to Mexico I consistently said, "Yo estoy muy caliente." I should have said "Yo estoy muy calor"

No wonder I received so many intersting stares. I had been telling everyone, "I am hot", as in a sextual way, (ie: hot mama) Embarrassingly it was a dignified, older gentleman who pointed out my mistake.

Posted By Peggy on April 7, 2011, 3:05 PM

Attempting to buy condoms in Spain using the 300 or so Spanish words I know. It was a real hoot for everyone in the store.

Posted By Robert on April 7, 2011, 5:08 PM

Sandra posted:"Then again, I did see signs hung out front of street food stalls run by old women saying 'Bakmie Ibu Memek'. Apparently, some Indonesian have a sense of humor, even the elderly :-) Google translate it LOL"

I've spent the last 20 minutes on various sites including Google translate trying to find out what
'Bakmie Ibu Memek' means with no luck. Could you please tell us and save us all some time please? :)

Posted By Linda on April 7, 2011, 11:39 PM

I THINK "Bakmie ibu memek" would translate as "Mom's Vagina (Pussy) Noodles"
1) Bakmie = a type of curly noodle
2) Ibu = Mother
3) Memek = vagina or "pussy"

It sounds dangerous! :-)

Posted By Radovan on April 8, 2011, 1:49 AM

My son was studying in Germany, so I went to visit him because I had studied there 30 years before. I'd been there about 10 days and thought I was doing fine with my rusty German language skills. After leaving a shop in Heidelberg, my son asked me how I was doing with my German. I said "OK, why?" He started laughing - during the conversation with the shopkeeper, she looked a little confused at one point. My son pointed out that in that part of the conversation, I was speaking Japanese with her - the other language I know! My son was raised in Japan as a child, so he is the only one who knew what language I 'switched' to when I couldn't find the German words.

Posted By Nan on April 8, 2011, 9:09 AM

When we were first learning Spanish, my husband and I became good friends with a family from South America, who were learning English. My husband was much less inhibited than me in trying to speak Spanish, which sometimes got him into trouble. One Sunday we were at their house, at a big family dinner. One of the very attractive, very young teenage daughters passed my husband a platter of food. He tried to say, "What good potatoes these are!"
The extremely reserved and proper grandparents choked, and spit their food onto their plates. The girls shrieked with laughter -- "Do you know what you just said?" Their mother said icily, "He said NOTHING. His accent is very cute, THAT IS ALL." But the girls told us -- "What nice little asses you have!"

Posted By Nancy on April 11, 2011, 5:18 PM

A few years back, I was trying to learn Indonesian and I had learned enough to get around a bit and have something resembling a conversation. Once a friend there asked me about American food. I told her about some of the things I like to eat in America including "anjing panas" (hotdogs). She said, "Kamu makan anjing!?" translation:"You eat dogs?!" That's when I realized that translating literally is not necessarily a good idea since it can produce some very shocked expressions on people's faces.

Posted By Kevin on April 12, 2011, 9:03 PM

My Spanish teacher studied abroad in Mexico in 2003, and he was still learning the language, so when he tripped and fell, he ad-libbed a little, saying "Estoy muy Embarazada," thinking that he had confessed to feeling embarrassed. Unfortunately, he actually said 'I'm very pregnant.' Even more embarrassing for the poor man. His host came to the rescue and told him the actual phrase was "Estoy muy avergonzado."

Posted By Melissa on April 12, 2011, 11:10 PM

I was on a flight to Munich and was seated next to an elderly German lady. Most of our conversation was in German on simple topics. When I told her about a recent trip to a spa in California where I had a mud bath, she gave me a funny look, but didn’t ask any further questions. I found out later that instead of using the word for mud “Schlamm”, I used “Schleim” which means mucus or slime.

Posted By Maggi on April 13, 2011, 10:05 AM

Visiting Germany a few years back, I met a British Army officer stationed there. He told me of his most embarrasing moment when he went to the local hardware shop in need of a watering hose for his front yard. He asked, "Ich bin ein Garten Hosen," declaring to the shopkeeper and the customers within earshot, "I am a pair of garden pants!" What made it worse was he accidently clicked his heals Nazi-style as he made his gaffe. I don't think he ever went back to the shop.

Posted By keith on April 13, 2011, 9:38 PM

While I was a foreign exchange grad student to Istanbul, I would always exchange Turkish pleasantries with the folks who cleaned the dormitory. Instead of the usual how-are-you-I'm-fine exchange, one day I attempted something new. After coming in from the winter weather, I thought I'd told them "I'm cold," but the cleaners erupted in peals of laughter; I turned beet-red as my Turkish roommate explained that I had said, "I will f*** you."

Posted By joseph on April 14, 2011, 3:42 AM

Many years ago on my way to Africa for a 3 week trip and to climb Mt. Kili I spent a day in London to meet up with my travel group...Wanting to buy suspenders for the climb I visited several men's stores and sporting goods stores to make my purchase...I was told they did not sell suspenders and it was always followed by a big grin....upon meeting the group of which most were Brits and told them of my buying trip they all broke out in a big howl....

It turned out that what I was looking for were "bracers" not suspenders which referred to ladies garter belts...

Even with English you have to know the language even if you are in a English speaking country...they proceed to give me a tutorial on British vocabulary...

Another example....in England a rubber is not a condom but a pencil eraser.

As an American of Spanish heritage Spanish was my first language...even though it is not the best I have had many of the same gaffs described in this post....

Remember...no matter how bad your language skills may be...the locals truly appreciate your efforts.

Posted By Yo on April 16, 2011, 7:42 AM

I was volunteering as an interpretor for the deaf one year. I wanted to say 'the man was very lazy'. The word lazy is signed by taking the thumb and pointer finger (L) and putting it over your heart. Placement is very important in sign language. Instead I put my hand right under my chin. What I said was " The man is very lesbian". No wonder they looked confused.

Posted By ohsnap on April 17, 2011, 8:54 PM

While stationed in Puerto Rico, and dating my future wife, we were invited to dinner at her family's farm, and there were at least 20 people at the table, and being outdoors, there were a lot of gnats and bugs in general. Being from South America, we call the bugs "bichos", so I said in Spanish: Hay demasiados bichos! "There are a lot of bugs here", and everybody stopped eating, nobodysaid anything, but everybody was looking at me. come to find out "bicho" in Puerto Rico means "male genitalia" if you know what I mean. After that, no more spanish for me!

Posted By Xavier Velarde on April 20, 2011, 9:28 AM

My pet maltese in our multilingual Australian home has been trained to obey commands in Cantonese and English. After dinner, he's told in Cantonese to go "aww tze" in the garden, and been a spoilt pooch that meanders for minutes to find his favourite spot to go poop, the command is repeated louder and louder each time. One day, our neighbour held a BBQ party, and all they heard, to them, was "aussie, auSSIE, OZZIE" to the tune of our pooch go sh.t, sh.T, SH!T

Posted By eddie on April 20, 2011, 9:40 PM

When I was 24 and backpacking through Europe, one of my pre arranged stops was with my good friend's uncle in Algorta, Spain [outside Bilboa]. He was in his 70's and insisted in taking me to the red light district..I kept trying to invite him to dinner in a nicer neighborhood. In one "higher" end $15 bar, there was a tall hooker in black fishnet, and as my host started his routine saying that I was from America, but that I understood Spanish, I said "no vale la pena" which means it is not worth it, the problem is that it also means you/he or she is not worth it. The Hooker started yelling at me and I was chased out of the bar. I was a nieve 24 year old, I did not realize that until my host "got rid of me" he could not have his fun...

Posted By wiser now on April 21, 2011, 1:59 AM

Be careful how to greet and farewell friends in airports, hotel lobbies and tourist venues. As much as we like to do so in the language of the country visited, "ciao" and "hi" seems very cool if said in a soft casual manner, but if your Italian and European friends are welcomed loudly in quick succession with a staccato emphasis, you have just called one of them, in Cantonese, a smelly female genit@l!a !

Posted By eddie on April 21, 2011, 6:53 PM

I'll never forget the wonderful time I had in Paris a few years ago. It was my first trip to Paris and in April no less. I speak zero French and my friend speaks what I refer to as limited "travel-speak". We decided to make a reservation at a rather upscale restaurant in the Latin Qtr. where we were staying. After arriving, the Maitre d repeated our reservation back to us and that is when my friend realized we had made the reservation for "Egg o'clock". I suspect the intention was to embarass us. However, we had no illusions about our limited language skills and given the fact that we both have a rather robust sense of humor, this instead was the start of a uncontrollable giggle-attack (which was embarrassing in itself). As the evening continued it was to say the least, chock full of embarassing moments which started with our sitting down and immediately spilling the appertif. We hadn't even been drimking! At the end of the evening, the Maitre d asked in a very dignified manner if we were finished and would like the bill. My friend blurted out "Fini" which means in Italian "The End". I'm sure the poor man was relieved the dramedy was over, whatever the language! ....this was tense drama for him, light comedy for us.

Posted By lorino on April 23, 2011, 2:20 PM

My biggest gaffe was in native English, soon after legal drinking age. While skiing in Whitefish, MT with my sister in the 80's, we headed to the lodge for refreshment. Without thinking, I asked the bartender "what flavors do you have?". Since then, my sister never fails to remind me every time she serves me a drink.

Posted By Mickie on April 28, 2011, 2:05 PM

I gave the ladies behind the counter at Ladurée in Paris on the Champs-Élysées quite a good laugh one year when I zoned out and asked for a name-brand car tart - "tarte Citroën" - rather than a lemon tart - a "tarte au citron".

Posted By Risamay on May 4, 2011, 5:29 PM

In the cathedral in Taxco, Mexico I prayed, O Senor, por favor perdoname mis pescados. Dear Lord please forgive my fish! Should have said, pecados sins! There was lots of giggling go on from my confessions of fish.

Posted By Robert on May 4, 2011, 9:52 PM